Why am I doing this?

Friday, April 11, 2008

A little insight to me

Sometimes on my drive home, I do not even turn on the radio. I just sit there in silence and think. I never would have done this when I was younger. Over the past few weeks, I have realized how much I have matured in the past 10 years. This is not a negative thing. In fact, I really - at times- feel very comfortable in my skin and in my life. Not to say that I never get anxious, worried, etc. But I really feel I spend a lot less time worrying about the things I cannot control. I am very into to spending time in the moment, especially with my boys - the important people.

One thing that makes me anxious from time to time is I always feel like there is something bigger waiting out there for me and my family. I have this burning in my soul that drives me. I am not very patient - even after having a kid! Waiting for that and trying to find it is sometimes the hardest part.

I am coming to the end of my supervision for my license. Very soon I will officially be a therapist. The exciting part is, it will be before Brodie is born if everything goes as planned. I am excited to have a baby and enjoy my family without having to worry about finishing that. In a way, I feel Dillon was robbed a little because of that. Don't get me wrong - when I was gone, he was with his Dad, but still. I hated every time I left. Why did I do it? I am not one of those people that is very career driven. I had just already put so much time and money into it, I could not let it go. I don't think he is scared in any way, but I obviously have some guilt still. Such is life. My boys are the greatest thing in my life.

So, stopping there I will leave you with something I have know for a while now...

I am one of the most complex people I have ever met!!


At 10:27 PM, Blogger Sarah Moran said...

I love this post, everything about it, it's very introspective. I especially like what you said about how you worry less about things outside your control -- that's a major feat indeed.


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